Below is my quick plan so you can follow my path:
- Why I tried ace-friendly apps
- My hands-on take on five apps: OkCupid, Lex, Her, Asexualitic, and Taimi
- Real chats and dates I had
- Good stuff, bad stuff, and who each app fits
- Tips that kept me sane
The short story first
I’m an asexual, biromantic woman. I like slow burn. I like clear vibes. I don’t like pressure. Over the past eight months, I tried a handful of ace-friendly apps. I paid for some features, went to two meetups, and had more tea dates than I can count on one hand. Some apps felt like a warm couch. Some felt like a loud club. You know what? I learned what works for my brain and my heart.
Let me explain.
OkCupid — The filter friend that actually listens
I used OkCupid for three months, with one month on the paid plan. I set my orientation to asexual, and my romantic vibe to “looking for long-term, low-pressure.” I also turned on “Dealbreakers” for sexual compatibility. It narrowed things a lot, in a good way.
That makes sense, because OkCupid has expanded its orientation options to include asexuality and other identities on the ace spectrum, letting users choose labels like asexual, demisexual, and gray-asexual.
Real examples:
- My first match was N., a gardener who also identifies as ace. We messaged about compost. Not kidding. After a week, we met for tea. He brought seed packets. We still text plant pics.
- I did have one awkward chat. A guy hit me with “So you’ll change your mind, right?” I used the block tool. Two taps. Gone. I felt safe.
What I liked:
- Clear labels for asexual, demi, grey-ace, and more.
- The question system saved time. Big time.
- The app nudged people to read profiles. Less “hey” messages.
What bugged me:
- Busy on weekends; weirdly quiet midweek.
- The paid “See who likes you” helped, but felt pricey after a month.
- I stumbled over abbreviations like “BWC” until I read an explanation and laughed at how lost I’d been.
Who it fits:
- If you want strong filters and space to explain boundaries, this is your spot.
Lex — Words first, photos later, pressure low
Lex feels like a queer bulletin board with soul. It’s text-forward. I posted a small ad: “Ace, loves late walks and dumplings. Seeking slow, soft vibes. Friends or dates.” I kept it simple.
Real examples:
- Three folks sent sweet replies in one day. One shared a dumpling map. Yes, a map.
- I met S., an aroace non-binary artist, at a zine fair. We swapped playlists and stickers. It felt like community first, dating second. I liked that.
What I liked:
- No photo-first swipe fatigue.
- Event posts made it easy to meet people in groups.
- Boundaries talk felt normal, not heavy.
What bugged me:
- Posts vanish fast. If you miss a day, you miss a lot.
- Smaller pool in suburbs. I had better luck when I drove into the city.
Who it fits:
- If you like friends-to-maybe-more and you enjoy words, jump in.
Her — Cozy for queer women and enbies
I used Her for two months. I toggled “asexual” on my profile and joined two local groups: Book Club and Slow Dating Chat. It felt like a couch in a queer living room.
Real examples:
- A Sunday park meet-up turned into a picnic. Low-key, no pressure, and a lot of hummus. I met J., who’s demi. We now trade audiobook recs.
- One chat fizzled when we had different timelines. I wanted slow. She wanted quick romance. We were honest and kind. It was fine.
What I liked:
- Groups and events made it feel safe and social.
- Many people understood “ace” right away.
- Fewer cold openers; more “hey, saw your book list!”
What bugged me:
- The feed can feel noisy if you don’t tweak settings.
- Smaller dating pool if you’re outside bigger cities.
Who it fits:
- Queer women and enbies who want community plus dating, not just swiping.
Asexualitic — Tiny, focused, and very “ace”
Asexualitic is a niche site for asexual folks. I used the mobile web for six weeks. I paid for one month so I could send more messages and search by romantic type (I set biromantic).
Real examples:
- I matched with a teacher who bakes sourdough. We did a video tea chat. No flirting games. We talked about crusts and classroom chaos.
- I also had a nice thread with a grey-ace runner about pacing. We never met, but it felt warm and clear.
What I liked:
- Everyone “gets it.” I didn’t have to explain myself from zero.
- Search by romantic identity and relationship style.
- Slower, kinder pace.
What bugged me:
- Small pool. You’ll see the same faces.
- The site design feels dated. It works, but it’s not sleek.
Who it fits:
- If you want ace-first spaces and don’t mind fewer options, it’s worth a try for a month.
Taimi — Big rainbow city with lots of filters
Taimi is an LGBTQ+ app. I used it for four weeks, set myself to asexual, and filtered for people who mention low-pressure dating.
Real examples:
- I met K., a gamer who is grey-ace. We swapped Nintendo friend codes and did a cozy Mario Kart night online. Zero weird vibes.
- I did have to skip a few chats that pushed sexual talk fast. I used quick boundaries: “Not my thing.” Most respected it. One didn’t. Block works. If you ever feel like the clothes are coming off too quickly—yes, there's even a naked dating app for that kind of vibe. Some people genuinely enjoy photo-forward, exhibitionist spaces—think cheeky “look at my cute kitty” selfies in French—and the guide Je montre mon minou gives a blunt, screenshot-filled tour of how those communities function, plus etiquette and safety pointers to help you decide if that lane is for you.
Likewise, if you ever get curious about a more traditional classifieds-style hookup board instead of an app, Bremerton’s nightlife has its own corner via Adult Search Bremerton where locals post explicit ads, negotiate boundaries upfront, and arrange same-day meets without wading through endless swipes.
What I liked:
- Many identity tags. Easy to find ace folks if you search.
- Good mod tools. Reporting and blocking felt simple.
- Video calls inside the app helped with safety.
What bugged me:
- Feeds can feel busy. Ads too.
- It’s not ace-only, so you’ll filter more.
Who it fits:
- If you want a wide pool and you’re okay curating, it can work.
Quick compare (human style, not a spreadsheet)
- Easiest for thoughtful filtering: OkCupid
- Most “community-first” vibe: Lex and Her
- Most ace-focused space: Asexualitic
- Biggest pool with lots of tags: Taimi
What actually helped me stay calm
- I wrote a clear boundary line in my bio: “Ace. I like slow pace, cuddles later, consent always.”
- I used first messages that felt human: “What snack would you pack for a park hang?” It cut through the small talk.
- I set tiny goals: two messages a week, not ten. Burnout is real.
- I met in bright places. Tea shops, parks, art markets. My brain likes daylight.
- I checked in with myself after each chat: energized or drained? If drained, I took a break.
Small stories that still make me smile
- The seed packet date from OkCupid. He labeled them by hand. Basil, dill, hope.
- The zine fair friend from Lex. We mailed each other stickers like we were kids again.
- The Sunday picnic from Her. Someone brought a kite. We took turns. It felt pure.
Funny thing—dating wasn’t the whole prize. Feeling seen was.
My bottom line
- If you want structure and strong filters, start with OkCupid.
- If you want words, community, and low pressure, try Lex or Her.
- If you want an ace-first room, give Asexualitic a month.
- If you want a big rainbow pool and can filter well, test Taimi.
If you’d prefer something even more focused on deep compatibility